Posts tagged katelan foisy
Posts tagged katelan foisy
With Katelan Foisy at the Chelsea hotel, photo by Kate Black.
Devil by Katelan Foisy, Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow
Music: Death Don’t Have No Mercy (sung by the Devil Himself)
It’s hard these days; it really is hard
to be the Devil. You just don’t have any idea.
I KNEW this would happen.
I knew it! I did! I DID!
I was an Archangel!
Ok, ok, I AM an Archangel but back then I was a HAPPY Archangel.
You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is.
Think about it.
For example expelling someone from Eden; do you know how much WORK that is?
Try telling a virgin, “You’re having a baby!”
Her Dad was right there, by the way.
“But it’s GOD’S baby”, doesn’t go over well either.
You’d think it would be a helpful angle but it isn’t.
But, for me anyway, at first everything was GREAT.
You know the story.
Or you THINK you know the story.
Here’s what REALLY went down.
God kept changing his mind, to start with.
That’s the main reason I left him.
Yea, that’s right I left HIM.
And it was mostly because he was inconsistent!
FIRST, I was a serpent,
you know, the one in the garden?
I lost an arm and a leg over that…
Get it? A snake … doesn’t have arms or legs?
Ok, ok not such a good joke, ok.
It may be hard to be the Devil,
but it’s even harder to be a comedian.
The NEXT time the heavy stuff went down
was Job. Job, Job, Job!
A tortured man takes center stage, no matter what the epoch.
By the time we got to Job,
I wasn’t even a snake anymore.
I was simply adversarial.
Granted, I was adversarial to God…
Did you know that’s what ‘Satan’ means?
It means the adversary.
It does NOT mean ‘embodiment of Evil’!
How in the Hell did I become the embodiment of Evil?
It’s NOWHERE IN THERE!!!
I’m an Archangel!!!
I WASN’T THAT BAD! I didn’t say do all that to Job.
Nooooo, I just said, “I bet Job would give up
believing in this God business if all that went down.”
Next came Jesus, and well, Christ, he just about put me out of business,
though there were booms during the Crusades and Inquisition.
Now there’s irony. That’s what God is, ironic. Believe that.
I didn’t WANT to be omnipotent, too much responsibility.
I wasn’t cast out of Heaven because I wanted to BE God!
I just wanted to be like God.
And you know, if you read the Bible carefully,
that’s what I told those cats out in Eden,
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING WOULD MAKE A HUMAN BEING GOD!
But I did say it would make them like Gods
And THAT is the one sin he just won’t forgive.
What? You’re saying how can I sin since I invented it?
Good question. I tried that argument. Didn’t work.
And we return to the omnipotent issue.
And, by the way, I said like the “Gods”. Plural.
I wasn’t referring to the Almighty, I meant the Demi-Gods.
They’re right above Angels in the hierarchy.
They took that out of course.
That’s what happens with thousands of years of edits.
No one gets a straight story about the Devil anymore.
I used think, there’s no way it was supposed to go down this way.
God couldn’t possibly have meant THIS!
People being damned? I mean, what is that?
Hell, damnation, what do you think it is?
Let me guess, even by your kindest interpretation,
“It’s the absence of God.”
HOW CAN YOU HAVE THE ABSENCE OF GOD?
I tell you what, you DON’T. You might think you do,
but trust me. Go’s there.
God’s always there. He’s omnipotent.
And always there is what omnipotent IS.
So no, hate to burst your bubble but
‘absence of God’ is not what Hell is.
It’s God. Trust me. That one’s unavoidable.
God may seem UNAVAILABLE but God’s still God…
Speaking of availability,
how are we doing on those contracts?
This used to be easier to do.
Things start easy and they sure don’t stay that way.
You think it’s easy to find souls these days?
Hell no. It ain’t easy
People sell their souls when times are bad, sure
but way more of them actually
go through with it when times are booming.
Boom towns, for example,
80% Hell bound no question.
You’d think it was easy when times were bad but,
Thing is, it’s easiest when times are GOOD.The Depression? That was slim pickings; slim pickings here too.
Anyone want to make a deal?
Death Don’t Have No Mercy, Devil reprise
Poster girl for @drivebytruckers @katelanfoisy - art by Wes Freed.