Lonesome Liz's Mojo Menagerie

Official stream of consciousness page of Outlaw Magazine's Lonesome Liz

Posts tagged art

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Demographic of One: Do you feel conflicted appearing at venues that are essentially playgrounds for the 1% (like the Groucho Club)?

mollycrabapple:

No. I’m not and have never been against rich people or golden glittering things. I make a good living, and have been the house artist for years for The Box, which is an unspeakably swank nightclub. It’s been one of the collaborations I’ve been proudest of.

I am emphatically for working towards…

Filed under molly crabapple music art

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New Mojo Sideshow Monologues: The Siamese Twins From France

The Siamese Twins from France

 

Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow features art by @mollycrabapple, Wes Freed, (Drive by Truckers), @katelanfoisy and others.


http://lonesomelizmojosideshow.blogspot.com


In unison

 

We were three. Once.

There was another sister. She wasn’t attached.

But she was as small as a chick newly hatched.

There just wasn’t the room

in our particular womb.

 

We’ve always wondered

had she not been torn asunder

if she’d have survived.

We’ve wondered all our lives.

 

Would she have been more beautiful?

We are, we know, we get an earful

of compliments

every town we’re in.

 

We’ve turned down five hundred proposals of marriage.

We even turned down the man with the carriage

drawn by six horses disguised as swans.

We could go on and on

about them

but we dislike men.

You would too, if you were two.

You’ve no idea what they ask us to do.

 

Our mother left when we were five.

She’d really have preferred we not stay alive.

She sold tickets to us for a while

and would coax men to linger with a winsome smile.

I guess you could say we were quite a team

until what we call, ‘The Night of Screams’.

 

She coaxed one in she couldn’t control.

We’d tell you what happened but it would cost you your soul

just to hear the horror we two have known.

would chill you to the bone.

 

Worst part of it all was she lived to tell it.

She even at one point tried to sell it

but she had better luck

selling us. We were stuck

with a rather dubious Midway Boss.

 

What she was paid she quickly lost

To drink.

We don’t think

She lived past twenty five.

 

We had relatively normal lives

Once we were old enough to tell

everyone to go to Hell. 

Filed under poetry art literature molly crabapple drive by truckers

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New Mojo Sideshow Monologues: The Acrobat

The Acrobat

 

Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow features art by @mollycrabapple, Wes Freed, (@drivebytruckers), @katelanfoisy and others.


http://lonesomelizmojosideshow.blogspot.com


I’d always wanted to fly.

So, first I tried

the trapeze

but I had weak knees.

 

I wasn’t a very good acrobat either.

So I quit, till I fell in love with the leader

of a team of spectacular twirlers of plates.

I freed her from a terrible fate

not a minute too late.

 

We hit the road. There was nothing to do

but form a duet, a troupe of two;

she twirling plates and I around.

We eventually added The Clown.

He really dragged us down.

 

You see, he wouldn’t leave her alone.

Eventually, well, I had a bone

to pick with him, or two.

There was nothing else to do.

 

I hadn’t planned on strangling them both.

She wasn’t supposed

to be there.

 

While I killed him, she just stared.

She got more and more scared.

She was, somehow, aware

that she’d be the next to go.

I did it like so.

Filed under poetry art literature molly crabapple

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New Mojo Sideshow Monologues: The Lion Tamer

The Lion Tamer:

 

Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow features the art of @mollycrabapple, Wes Freed, (@drivebytruckers), @katelanfoisy and others.


http://lonesomelizmojosideshow.blogspot.com


(Headless)

 

“You’ll lose your head!”

That’s what they all said.

I lost it alright

One mid-May night.

Then I lost it again.

 

God knows, it had been

Inside his mouth a thousand times.

Which made it scabby, that head of mine

but I’d always kept my wits.

I usually wasn’t bit.

Just scratched kinda deep a time or two

You get used to the lion, he gets used to you

It’s really not as dangerous as it seems.

 

Only got that way when I started to scream.

Like I said,

I lost my head.

 

What happened was this.

There was a girl I’d tried to kiss

about a hundred times.

She didn’t like the lions.

 

Everyone said she’d do me no good

And everyone said I really should

turn my attention elsewhere.

Or they’d say, “Well, of course lions give girls a scare…

Why don’t you try Madame Ugly over there?”

They’d say with a leer;

not caring if she heard their jeers,

“She won’t mind risking mutilation

considering her looks took permanent vacation.”

 

Anyway, what I was going to say

before I went off into speculation

About others who perhaps more deserve damnation,

than little old me, who never hurt a flea…

 

what I was going to say was this,

that girl wouldn’t give me a single kiss!

 

I didn’t hurt her, really I didn’t.

I just slipped something in her drink, then hid it…

the crime, that is… the drink I made plain.

I think hiding the killing’s what made me insane.

 

Doing it really wasn’t so bad.

She’d had it coming, yes she had

and like I said, it didn’t hurt a bit;

not like it did when I got bit.

 

That damn lion’s the one should be damned;

chomping down like that with my head crammed

half down his throat!

It still really gets my goat.

 

SHE WOULDN’T EVEN LOOK AT ME!

 

And then, that lion, his eyes!

He KNEW I tell you!

I tell you and I tell YOU

And he was going to TELL!

He said I’d go to Hell.

He did! YES HE DID!!!  

Said it while my head was hid

Half down his throat.

Still really gets my goat.

 

So, I screamed

and well, I never dreamed

he’d bite;

that I’d lose my head twice.

 

It wasn’t at all nice.

Filed under poetry art literature molly crabapple

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New Mojo Sideshow Monologues: The Master of the Hellhounds

The Master of the Hellhounds

Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow features the art of @MollyCrabapple, Wes Freed, (@drivebytruckers), @katelanfoisy and others 

http://lonseomelizmojosideshow.blogspot.com

Fox horn sounds, baying of hounds

 

The fox horn sounds,

hear the baying hounds?

They’re bound

to catch up with you sooner or later.

You’re kidding yourself if you think you’ll esacape her.

Part shadow, part fire, their only desire

is to tear you apart.

They’re not for the faint of heart.

 

They’ve got eyes all aglow.

They’ve got minds in the know.

They speak … just so

and weak you go!

 

It’s said if you stare

you’ll get quite a scare

doing it. At first…

it then gets worse

each time you look… By time two

you understand his plans for you.

By time three,

quite dead you’ll be!

 

Of course, you may avoid that fate

but not if you learn too late

the way his eyes will catch you, ohhhh…

Especially when they’re all aglow!

He’ll speak… just so, (baying of hounds),

and weak you go!

 

If you hear their sinister wail,

you can bet your bucket, you can bet the pail,

you’re going straight to hell well in it.

You’re sure to die within a very few minutes.

 

People die a lot. They do it all the time.

So, you can imagine my state of mind.

It’s impossible to rest with all the baying.

Believe me, there’s no use in praying.

I realized long ago God’s decided I’m staying

right here where I am.

Talk about damned.

 

They’re always on the hunt, always on the run.

They don’t respond to a lash or gun.

No, once they’re set upon a trail

their feet fall like Hell’s own hail.

Filed under poetry literature molly crabapple drive by truckers art literature

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Devil by Katelan Foisy, Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow
The Devil 
Music: Death Don’t Have No Mercy (sung by the Devil Himself)
Devil:
It’s hard these days; it really is hard  
to be the Devil. You just don’t have any idea.
I KNEW this would happen.
I knew it! I did! I DID!
I was an Archangel!
Ok, ok, I AM an Archangel but back then I was a HAPPY Archangel.  
You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is.
 
Think about it. 
 
For example expelling someone from Eden; do you know how much WORK that is?
Try telling a virgin, “You’re having a baby!”
Her Dad was right there, by the way. 
“But it’s GOD’S baby”, doesn’t go over well either.
You’d think it would be a helpful angle but it isn’t.
 
But, for me anyway, at first everything was GREAT.
You know the story.
Or you THINK you know the story.
 
Here’s what REALLY went down.
God kept changing his mind, to start with.That’s the main reason I left him.Yea, that’s right I left HIM.
And it was mostly because he was inconsistent!
 
FIRST, I was a serpent,
you know, the one in the garden?I lost an arm and a leg over that…
Get it? A snake … doesn’t have arms or legs?
Ok, ok not such a good joke, ok.
It may be hard to be the Devil,
but it’s even harder to be a comedian.The NEXT time the heavy stuff went down
was Job. Job, Job, Job! 
A tortured man takes center stage, no matter what the epoch.
 
By the time we got to Job,
I wasn’t even a snake anymore.
I was simply adversarial.
Granted, I was adversarial to God…
Did you know that’s what ‘Satan’ means?
It means the adversary.
It does NOT mean ‘embodiment of Evil’!
How in the Hell did I become the embodiment of Evil?
It’s NOWHERE IN THERE!!!  
I’m an Archangel!!!
 
I WASN’T THAT BAD! I didn’t say do all that to Job.
Nooooo, I just said, “I bet Job would give upbelieving in this God business if all that went down.”Next came Jesus, and well, Christ, he just about put me out of business, though there were booms during the Crusades and Inquisition.Now there’s irony. That’s what God is, ironic. Believe that.
I didn’t WANT to be omnipotent, too much responsibility.
I wasn’t cast out of Heaven because I wanted to BE God!
I just wanted to be like God.
 
And you know, if you read the Bible carefully,
that’s what I told those cats out in Eden,
 
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING WOULD MAKE A HUMAN BEING GOD!
But I did say it would make them like Gods
And THAT is the one sin he just won’t forgive.
 
What? You’re saying how can I sin since I invented it?
Good question. I tried that argument. Didn’t work.
And we return to the omnipotent issue.
 
And, by the way, I said like the “Gods”. Plural.
I wasn’t referring to the Almighty, I meant the Demi-Gods.
They’re right above Angels in the hierarchy.
They took that out of course.
That’s what happens with thousands of years of edits.
No one gets a straight story about the Devil anymore.
 
I used think, there’s no way it was supposed to go down this way.
God couldn’t possibly have meant THIS!
People being damned? I mean, what is that?
 
Hell, damnation, what do you think it is?
 
Let me guess, even by your kindest interpretation,
“It’s the absence of God.”
HOW CAN YOU HAVE THE ABSENCE OF GOD? 
I tell you what, you DON’T. You might think you do,
but trust me. Go’s there.
God’s always there. He’s omnipotent.
And always there is what omnipotent IS.
 
So no, hate to burst your bubble but
‘absence of God’ is not what Hell is.
It’s God. Trust me. That one’s unavoidable.
God may seem UNAVAILABLE but God’s still God…
 
Speaking of availability,
how are we doing on those contracts?
 
This used to be easier to do.
 
Things start easy and they sure don’t stay that way.
You think it’s easy to find souls these days?
Hell no. It ain’t easy
 
People sell their souls when times are bad, surebut way more of them actuallygo through with it when times are booming.
Boom towns, for example, 80% Hell bound no question. 
Things change.
 
You’d think it was easy when times were bad but,
Thing is, it’s easiest when times are GOOD.The Depression? That was slim pickings; slim pickings here too.
Anyone want to make a deal?
Death Don’t Have No Mercy, Devil reprise 

Devil by Katelan Foisy, Lonesome Liz’s Mojo Sideshow

The Devil 

Music: Death Don’t Have No Mercy (sung by the Devil Himself)

Devil:

It’s hard these days; it really is hard  

to be the Devil. You just don’t have any idea.

I KNEW this would happen.

I knew it! I did! I DID!

I was an Archangel!

Ok, ok, I AM an Archangel but back then I was a HAPPY Archangel.  

You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is.

 

Think about it. 

 

For example expelling someone from Eden; do you know how much WORK that is?

Try telling a virgin, “You’re having a baby!”

Her Dad was right there, by the way. 

“But it’s GOD’S baby”, doesn’t go over well either.

You’d think it would be a helpful angle but it isn’t.

 

But, for me anyway, at first everything was GREAT.

You know the story.

Or you THINK you know the story.

 

Here’s what REALLY went down.

God kept changing his mind, to start with.
That’s the main reason I left him.
Yea, that’s right I left HIM.

And it was mostly because he was inconsistent!

 

FIRST, I was a serpent,

you know, the one in the garden?
I lost an arm and a leg over that…

Get it? A snake … doesn’t have arms or legs?

Ok, ok not such a good joke, ok.

It may be hard to be the Devil,

but it’s even harder to be a comedian.

The NEXT time the heavy stuff went down

was Job. Job, Job, Job! 

A tortured man takes center stage, no matter what the epoch.

 

By the time we got to Job,

I wasn’t even a snake anymore.

I was simply adversarial.

Granted, I was adversarial to God…

Did you know that’s what ‘Satan’ means?

It means the adversary.

It does NOT mean ‘embodiment of Evil’!

How in the Hell did I become the embodiment of Evil?

It’s NOWHERE IN THERE!!!  

I’m an Archangel!!!

 

I WASN’T THAT BAD! I didn’t say do all that to Job.

Nooooo, I just said, “I bet Job would give up
believing in this God business if all that went down.”

Next came Jesus, and well, Christ, he just about put me out of business, 
though there were booms during the Crusades and Inquisition.
Now there’s irony. That’s what God is, ironic. Believe that.

I didn’t WANT to be omnipotent, too much responsibility.

I wasn’t cast out of Heaven because I wanted to BE God!

I just wanted to be like God.

 

And you know, if you read the Bible carefully,

that’s what I told those cats out in Eden,

 

I NEVER SAID ANYTHING WOULD MAKE A HUMAN BEING GOD!

But I did say it would make them like Gods

And THAT is the one sin he just won’t forgive.

 

What? You’re saying how can I sin since I invented it?

Good question. I tried that argument. Didn’t work.

And we return to the omnipotent issue.

 

And, by the way, I said like the “Gods”. Plural.

I wasn’t referring to the Almighty, I meant the Demi-Gods.

They’re right above Angels in the hierarchy.

They took that out of course.

That’s what happens with thousands of years of edits.

No one gets a straight story about the Devil anymore.

 

I used think, there’s no way it was supposed to go down this way.

God couldn’t possibly have meant THIS!

People being damned? I mean, what is that?

 

Hell, damnation, what do you think it is?

 

Let me guess, even by your kindest interpretation,

“It’s the absence of God.”

HOW CAN YOU HAVE THE ABSENCE OF GOD? 

I tell you what, you DON’T. You might think you do,

but trust me. Go’s there.

God’s always there. He’s omnipotent.

And always there is what omnipotent IS.

 

So no, hate to burst your bubble but

‘absence of God’ is not what Hell is.

It’s God. Trust me. That one’s unavoidable.

God may seem UNAVAILABLE but God’s still God…

 

Speaking of availability,

how are we doing on those contracts?

 

This used to be easier to do.

 

Things start easy and they sure don’t stay that way.

You think it’s easy to find souls these days?

Hell no. It ain’t easy

 

People sell their souls when times are bad, sure
but way more of them actually
go through with it when times are booming.

Boom towns, for example, 
80% Hell bound no question. 

Things change.

 

You’d think it was easy when times were bad but,

Thing is, it’s easiest when times are GOOD.The Depression? That was slim pickings; slim pickings here too.

Anyone want to make a deal?

Death Don’t Have No Mercy, Devil reprise 

Filed under literature religion philosophy art fine art katelan foisy molly crabapple

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Art by Wes Freed, (@drivebytruckers), The Barker Monologue, from The Mojo Sideshow:
Step right up!
Step right up!
Ladies and Gentlemen,come one come all,you will be amazed.
You will come eager,leave dazed.
Raise the edge of the curtain there.Scared?
Look up at the tightrope walker’s dance.Come in, see the Siamese twins from France.There’s a snake charmer waiting behind that screen.And, an awful scenetakes place in the lion tamer’s roomat half past noon.
Step right up!
See the acrobat and the lady with three eyes?And me, I’ve guessed your age, your weight, your lies.I’ll whisper them with hollow whistling soundswhile carnival lights spin round and round.See the acrobat and the lady with three eyes?
The midgets pick pockets.The man at the Ferris wheel has unkind designs.The knife thrower’s on the edge of his mind.
Step right up! Step right up!Ladies and Gentlemen,come one, come all!You will be amazed!You will come eager!You will leave dazed.
Step right up!

Art by Wes Freed, (@drivebytruckers), The Barker Monologue, from The Mojo Sideshow:

Step right up!

Step right up!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
come one come all,
you will be amazed.

You will come eager,
leave dazed.

Raise the edge of the curtain there.
Scared?

Look up at the tightrope walker’s dance.
Come in, see the Siamese twins from France.
There’s a snake charmer waiting behind that screen.
And, an awful scene
takes place in the lion tamer’s room
at half past noon.

Step right up!

See the acrobat and the lady with three eyes?
And me, I’ve guessed your age, your weight, your lies.
I’ll whisper them with hollow whistling sounds
while carnival lights spin round and round.
See the acrobat and the lady with three eyes?

The midgets pick pockets.
The man at the Ferris wheel has unkind designs.
The knife thrower’s on the edge of his mind.

Step right up! Step right up!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
come one, come all!
You will be amazed!
You will come eager!
You will leave dazed.

Step right up!

Filed under literature steampunk drive by truckers wes freed art fine art